Thursday, March 31, 2011

Jens Voigt Facts

Jens Voigt wasn't addicted to heroin, heroin was addicted to Jens Voit.

Jens Voigt sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled cycling ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalised, Jens Voigt attacked the devil and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. 

Jens Voigt sleeps with a night light. Not because Jens Voigt  is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Jens Voigt.

Jens Voigt's  tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever

Jens Voigt rode to infinity – twice

When Jens Voigt does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down.

Age won’t catch up with Jens Voigt, or anything else for that matter.

Jens Voigt was considered for the lead role of Mission Impossible until they realized it was an oxymoron.

 Jens Voigt has a sidekick named Superman, but he couldn’t keep up so he drop him.

Jens Voigt knows the sound of one hand clapping.

Jens Voigt doesn’t put air in his tires. He thinks it’s too much an advantage.

We are bound by the laws of physics, but for Jens Voigt they are merely suggestions.

Lacking any competition, Jens Voigt decided to race himself, and won.

Jens Voigt doesn’t need a remote control for his TV because he is always in control.

A new physcological condition as been entered into the DSMV IV call the Jens Voigt… A compulsive need to attack until the other is broken.

Chuck Norris brought a knive, G.I. Joe brought a gun, and Jens Voigt brough his bike and won.

The “Cannibal” had to eat his words when he raced Jens Voigt.

The speed of light is 186 000 miles per second. Jens Voigt doesn’t accept such limitations.

Being Jens Voigt is considered doping.

When someone fires a gun at Jens Voigt it won’t fire and the bullets refuse to leave the gun. Nobody attacks Jens Voigt.

Attack reached English via French attaquer from Italian attaccare ‘attach, join’,  which, like Old French atachier (source of English attach) was based on a hypothetical Germanic *stakōn (from which English gets stake). Phrases such as attaccare battaglia ‘join battle’ led toattaccare being used on its own to mean ‘attack’. Attach and attack are thus ‘doublets’ – that is, words with the same ultimate derivation but different meanings. Today we just say “Jens Voigt”

Jens Voigt chews coffee beans to relax.

Jens Voigt doesn’t need to light a cigarette. He is always smoking.

Jens Voigt finishes a six-day race in a single day.

In place of the ‘Ctrl’ button on Jens Voigt’s computer is the “Attack” button.

If Jens Voigt ‘defriends’ you expect and attack.

Love does not conquer all. Jens Voigt does.

Jens Voigt eats guys like Lance Armstrong for breakfast. They taste like chicken.

When Jens Voigt rides the trainer the trainer gets tired.

Jens Voigt once contested a race backwards to see what second place was like. He was disappointed however, since he still won.

A Jens Voigt’s love seen is one where he lets Lance win, then beats him anyway.

When ask what he thought of Lance Armstrong, Jens Voigt replied “Lance who?”

Jens Voigt once raced his shadow and lapped it.

God put a crack in your ass for Jens Voigt to kick.

Why isn’t there a Jens Voigt day? Every day is a Jens Voigt day!

Jens Voigt has been offered a role in Dante’s Inferno… as Hell.

Jens Voigt is so fast he rode around the world and beat himself.

Bruce Lee can rip a phone book in half, Chuck Norris can rip air in half.  Jens Voigt prefers challenges.

Lance Armstrong once told Jens Voigt that attacking wasn’t the best way to win races. When asked what he thought of this Jens replied “Lance who?”.

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