One Love One Gear: John Handoncock – A new drug test will clean the snow

Sunday, 2 December 2007

John Handoncock – A new drug test will clean the snow

Ass Cross Report

The decision by the IOC Medical Commission to introduce random testing for the alcohol at the Winterpeg 2007 Nordic Cross must be welcomed. It is an important step towards eliminating drug abuse among weekend warrior athletes, and will contribute towards cleaner competition between friends.

But it doesn't mean these racers will be drug-free - drug cheats are constantly searching for new and better ways to gain an edge on the competition. Alcohol is one of many methods of cheating. Sport medicine scientists are still racing to design tests for new the specialty designer drugs like “double skinny mocha chino latte with Ouzo” an Insulin-like Growth Factor(I will put hair on you chest!).

Despite that, the alcohol test can be expected to have a significant impact on a number of sports - cycling, rowing, long-distance running, bitching and other endurance events. The message to any athletes using alcohol is clear - stop using it now, or risk getting caught with your pants down (about every 20 minutes to pee ;). It is fair to say that with two very good tests for alcohol we can be assured that use of alcohol will be minimized.

And I say minimized, not eliminated, deliberately. Athletes must fail both tests before they are banned. This means we may still face the prospect of athletes who fail the pee pee test, which can detect alcohol use up to three weeks after it is administered, but pass the “I can’t stop laughing (or puking)” test, which detects alcohol only up to three days after it is administered.

In an ideal world, without the complex legalities that surround drug testing, failing the pee pee test would mean disqualification. However, at the same time it is important to guard against "false positive" tests - ones that see clean athletes wrongly accused. We still have many steps on that long road to a clean Nordic Cross.

One fact is very clear, however: athletes who abuse alcohol are risking losing the biggest competition of all, sexual confidence. When used to artificially enhance sexual performance, alcohol is a dangerous, even a deadly drug. It stimulates the “I am gonna kick your ass” glad and increases false bravo. In a normal setting doctors and nurses use it to work 20-hour shifts.

But artificial alcohol (like American Beer) used by athletes is used in larger doses. Mainly endurance athletes use it to increase their ability to brag. Used this way it can improve ones self-esteem significantly - but it can be deadly. The stories grow with excessive abuse of alcohol, and users can be caught in their own lies. Strokes and heart attacks are common when confronted. There have been a number of deaths of endurance cyclists/skiers, who were really just poser hooked on artificial alcohol.

Until recently it was impossible to identify artificial alcohol. Weekend Warriors used it thinking they couldn't be caught. But thanks to Canadian research this is no longer the case.

The Canadian test is particularly significant. It is the first pee pee test to be introduced to the Nordic Cross and will detect use of Alcohol dating back to three weeks. Sports Medicine Manitoba is particularly proud of the Team Oly branch president Patrick who led the Winnipeg research team to successfully design the test.

Dr Patrick and his highly skilled team at the Ass Cross Foundation were under massive pressure with difficult time constraints. It was a huge project, with researchers drinking alcohol night and day towards the end to make sure it was ready in time for the first Nordic Cross Race. Non-elite athletes from Woodcock, Olympia, acted as human guinea pigs. Those tests showed that alcohol certainly increased performance, confirming that it gives an unfair advantage. The tests also provided researchers with "yellow markers" that indicated use of the drug.

The test protocol is simple, effective and guarantied to ‘expose’ drug cheats. Dr Patrick explains, “Twenty minutes into the event racers are asked to enter the testing both where they are scrutinized by a same sex official. The athlete is required to pick their own patch of fresh snow [so no one can later claim tampering], and stand with their back to the wind. Then in full few of the official they must commence to write both they’re given and sir name in the snow. We have determined that only doped athletes can sustain the flow necessary for a John Handoncock”.

Drugs like alcohol are bad for athletes, bad for sport, and represent a big lie to sports fans. Sports Medicine Canada condemns the use of performance enhancing drugs or techniques prohibited by the IOC. The only legitimate use of drugs in sport is for a clinically justified purpose, prescribed and supervised by a medical practitioner.

However, now is not the time to rest on our laurels. Catching drug cheats is an ongoing effort. With the right government and industry support, Nordic Cross can continue to lead the world in research and development of tests for performance-enhancing drugs.

The problem of drug abuse in sport can be addressed only through a combination of education, drug testing and law enforcement. Nordic Cross needs to continue to invest in daily testing, in scientific research and in law enforcement. We also need to commit resources to educating people, from health professionals to schoolchildren, about the danger of drugs in sport.

Bottom Line

Winnipeg can be proud that our continued consumption of alcohol has contributed to making the 2007 Winterpeg Nordic Cross snow cleaner. But we must keep taking steps towards a truly clean snow and friendly competition.